The Many Lives and Times of Sam Saturday: The Dear Driver

June 12, 2006

So you know those hokey supervillains from the old batman shows on tv?

You know, the lame looking dudes in stupid costumes who had some gimmick they thought entitled them to a life of crime?

Well, Sammy is one of those, I’m afraid to say.

Poor boy was just your average hippy till he had an especially bad trip. Amidst his hallucinations, he was confronted by a (get this) Dear God, which commanded him to go out and avenge all the poor little dears being hunted and killed.

So now he runs around terrorizing folks, using his superpowers to control dear. (And by control, I mean he has a device that makes a really obnoxious sound that sends them rampaging in fear towards whomever he wants victimized.)

Now, as of yet, most people don’t even know he exists. So some dear charge into traffic, what’s new?

But he’s getting bolder. And when dear start running amuck in people’s homes, offices, and Dairy Queens, you know someone is going to take notice. Does the existence of a supervillain mean a superhero must arise to save the day? Or does he just get shot by the police?

Me, I’m just trying to figure out how he justifies using his precious dear friends as living weapons in his crazy little war.

Then again, if he had a good reason for what he did, he wouldn’t really be crazy, now would he?

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