The Many Lives and Times of Sam Saturday: Special Consultant

April 10, 2006

Sam Saturday is going to ruin your life.

You’ve never met the man before. Never even heard of him. All you know is that the big boss is bringing in a consultant to “analyze fiscally inefficient paradigms in the workplace.”

That’s bad news, son.

You’re a good worker. Everyone in the office knows it – you stay late to get things done. You make sure to do things right. You value communication with your fellow employees. You’re a real stand-up guy.

But this fellow, Saturday? He don’t care ’bout none of that. All that will matter to him is that you were too busy with your work to notice his outstretched hand. He stood there for a full minute, humiliated, feeling his anger rising. It’s a cold anger what comes upon a man like him. You only caught a glimpse of it when you finally rose to greet him, his hand long since placed by his side. Just a hint in his drawn smile, his glinting gray eyes.

All your coworkers know your value well – but you’re no one to the big boss up top. All he’s gonna see is a list of names the Saturday is gonna hand him – and yours will just happen to be on it.

It’s not too late, though. Hit the local firearms store and pick up something soft and silent. You’re good at planning, everyone knows it. Time you put that mind of yours to some real use. Time to make Sam Saturday regret his job as a corporate consultant.

Sorry, son, but if you want to save your future, you’ve got only one option. Be quick about it – his report’s due tomorrow, and you ain’t got no time to waste.

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